I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
