do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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