just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
