If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
