Do you still have your period?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
