Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
