He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
