OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
