Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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