note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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