hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
being pregnant is like rehab
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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