god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
