Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
