just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
