Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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