WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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