drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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