I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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