Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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