After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
