i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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