Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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