My hand turned me down
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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