1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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