i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Randomize
