my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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