I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
