I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
