Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
