Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
