Jerry, you need to find god
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
