When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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