we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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