Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
