When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
