A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I need to calm my uterus...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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