i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
