I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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