she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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