drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
