i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
