"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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