Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
