i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
