Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
