He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
