you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
