dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
