3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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