he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
