pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
