How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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