So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
