i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
