My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
