I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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